One of those Dayz, Jan 21

Dear Diary,

It is just one of those days.

I feel like curling into a ball and letting the tears flow.

I'm tired.

I feel like I entered into an atmosphere of silence and revolution. The dusting of snow and low clouds obscure the mountains and weighs heavy. It's a day where the caffeine just might not be enough.

It feels like a day of rest.

But I don't think I will find rest in the day.

Things are going so well. And it can be frustrating to feel heavy, to drag along. I want to fly. I want to keep running.

Lots have happened. A lot is happening. Lots will happen.

I can't stop today. But I also can't push it.

Just gotta breathe steadily. Find my focus in love and quiet joy. Find recovery in the stillness and frustration. The frustration is pure love. It is the same love that drives my sadness and anxiety.

For some reason, these emotional experiences have fixated on the things totally out of my control and reach. These are the things where the resolution will never really come.

But there are also things in my sphere. Things I can focus on that will help kindle energy. Things where that love can be placed before it builds to great a great burst. I don't need my emotional center to shatter again. It has shattered so many times, and I just don't have the spoons for that to happen now.

But if it happens, I guess I will breathe and sit in that wreckage. Start to rebuild like I have done so many times before.

Thanks for listening to this little meander, Dairy. It means a lot.

Life is tired.

Life is awake.

Life is pretty cool.

More to come, promise