Trusting trust, Mar 10
Dear Diary,
In working hard to improve my relationship with trust, I have found new confidence in myself and belief in the people around me. It is really hard, but necessary to really embrace my authentic self in all sorts of environments with all sorts of people. It is nerve-wracking to put myself out there, but with the support of my trust, those nerves energize instead of drain.
But it has been a hard road, Diary.
In the past, I pushed people away and ran from opportunities due to my rocky relationship with trust. Hecks, I buried myself and hid from the world for over two decades!
I hid my authentic self. I tried to drink my life away. I don't know how close I came, but I thank whatever grace kept me on my side those few bad nights. And I am still here, so time to go live!
And write!
Btw, thank you for listening, Diary! What's that? I am off track?
Ah, yes! Trust...
I don't actually know what trust represents on an emotional scale. Is it just a state of mind? Trust could be a conduit for filtering our interpretation of a situation through an emotional lens.
Is it a social construct? It is possible to have a society that doesn't use the idea of trust because there is no reason for doubt in their interactions and place in the world.
Know what is ironic about trust, Diary?
Needing to understanding the secret of trust negates the practice of nurturing it.
The foundation of trust starts with trust. But how can we have trust if we can't trust?
The answer is simple, Diary.
Trusting trust nourishes trust.
And if I start to doubt my trust in trust, well then I thank the doubt and trust it as a sign I need to begin a new conversation about trust. Doubt and trust leads to repairing the relationship with trust.
It is a lovely circle, Diary.
It is an ongoing conversation, and mindfulness toward trust never actually ends.
Life is endless until it ends.
Letting life be a practice of endlessness and letting it end simultaneously is all about trusting trust.
And trust makes life pretty cool.
More to come, promise
