March Seventh, Mar. 7
Dear Diary,
Is it a special day?
Course it is, Diary!
Today is special because it is the only March Seventh, 2023, we will ever experience. In this case, the name does not so much matter as our physical presence in this relative existence. There is so much to discuss with time -its blur of linear and cyclical motion spiraling the past and future into the present. But that is a different conversation.
I spent many moments like this in chemical hazes or passed out. I spent my days escaping, never letting go enough to appreciate these moments.
I never trusted myself to learn the beauty of the terror, the horror of love, the ugliness of beauty, and the absence of mystery when we accept we know nothing. I certainly shriveled and hid in a bottle when recognizing all of the binary constructions are these blurred mires of specific orientation and othering.
Really, I could not even articulate the strangeness of life.
And many times, even when I put myself out there, I always felt I came up short due to some totally unrealistic expectation.
Being my unconfident, unauthentic beingness, I settled the fault of whatever I perceived as imperfect on my shoulders, knowing full well I could do nothing.
I don’t really think like that anymore. I have way more trust. And I have way more confidence.
I am my authentic self. A sober transgender female who loves to create and think. And practice lots of yoga.
It feels like it just kinda happened. But, really, it happened with a whole lot of self-reflection. A whole lot of reading. A whole lot of thinking. A whole lot of making myself vulnerable. And a whole lot of luck and privilege, too. And I certainly could not have done it alone.
It happened because I was committed to finding a different way of living.
It is not better or worse. It is not progress or degeneration. It is nothing but trust and authenticity. I am still a work in progress—we all are.
Today the worst of things could happen. But the best of things could happen, too.
It is up to us to go find out.
Life is a mystery,
Life is a wonder.
Life is trust.
Life is love.
Life is pretty cool.
More to come, promise
