Dear Diary, 10, Creativity
Dear Diary,
Dang, yesterday's entry (9) was super cathartic and really shook something up.
So much so that during the last writing session yesterday afternoon, I found that flow, that spirit!
It is hard to say if it holds. I will definitely know later today. In my experience, if a piece of writing holds up the day after, it possesses value.
Soooo, fingers crossed.
It was startling, like why then of all the days?
Was it the conversation I had just before lunch with a history professor about the merits and shortcomings of theory? Or, are the new and growing friendships and avenues of collaboration I am experiencing in different parts of my life allowing for a soft grace necessary for my creative process?
Was it that I started the Pomodoro technique? Or that I was running outside, sitting in the sun, workshopping a super interesting monologue for my acting class during my five-minute breaks?
I did not know what the Pomodoro technique was until this weekend. It is a simple writing cycle: write for 25 minutes and break for 5 minutes. It is not like I hadn't tried that system before. But, I found a timer that resets and helps keep me faithful to actually stop at the 25-minute mark. In the past, my chaotic, wayward, and manic sensibilities take over. I ignore the breaks; I lose track of time. Recognizing this simple balance of chaos and time management is crucial moving forward.
But it seems even more likely that my potential success combines all the above and the things I have left out.
Also, I have been working my tail off, so should I even be surprised? It is what I have been working towards for like way too long. And even if it doesn't prove to hold up, oh well, I still have more time.
And somehow, I keep finding the energy.
I dunno. This whole thing is weird.
It is like, what am I really doing? But I keep doing it; I am having a lot of fun—things be clicking.
Like, I wrote something else this weekend that I will be dropping later today. It is the first part of a speculative fiction project I have wanted to write for a while. I got some dope, constructive feedback about it from my new writing compatriot, making me feel good (I was already feeling proud about it). Still, her words solidified my confidence and highlighted some passages I want to review. Collaboration is the very, very best!
In the past, I never really liked sharing my work. Partly from the perfectionist part (see entry 9). I just never really wanted to make myself vulnerable. There is a whole lot of truth about if you never start anything, you can never fail. But by never failing, I experienced the pressure of knowing I was missing out.
Not in a YOLO sense. Or maybe in a YOLO sense. I don't actually know, and I am not going to taxonomize the species of YOLO.
The point is, for the next half year, I have this super weird and wonderfully delightful opportunity to live my life as an artist. I get to create and express myself in so many ways, which means learning about myself in so many ways. It is such an opportunity and a pleasure.
It also means putting myself out there. What a terrifying prospect!!
Who knows where it leads?
I certainly don't. And that's the beauty. It doesn't matter!
No stakes are attached; the wins come from getting up to create. It doesn't matter what I create or how. It might be with my voice or a pen. It might be with an instrument or some colored pencils, perspective, and shadowing. And I am always looking for collaborators, if you know anyone, Diary.
What matters is keeping mindful about recognizing the time and space provided to me at this moment. I am fortunate and lucky to be in this very special spot. And that means creating to spread joy and promote radical love. So the stakes are high in that regard, but there is no pressure attached.
It is all organic feels.
And, this leads me to think about the idea of presence and what it really means to me. But I'll share that another time!
Thanks for listening! It means so much.
Life is magic!
More to come, promise
