Dear Diary, 16, Typos
Dear Diary,
Gonna make a short, sweet entry today.
It does not feel like there is much to say this morning.
So I am taking a moment to savor the clam. I meant calm, but no reason why I can’t be savoring both. Does clam mean something vulgar. Prolly cause humans are as gross as we are beautiful, and life is too short not to laugh.
But what I am really saying, is just savoring the mistakes, savoring the times that go wrong. I might be slightly masochist in saying this, but there is pleasure in pain to some extent. But the problem with pain, with those hard times, is that the institutional structures around us are so strict and rigid that when something goes wrong it is so hard to find levity in the situation.
As individuals we are under so much stress everyday anyway. Then when something goes south, we lose a job, we recognize we are in a toxic/dangerous situation, we feel uncomfortable, we recognize and addiction, we get sick, the screws of the institutional setting tighten instead of loosen.
Heck, we can’t even take a day because we feel tired because some stupid expectation creates an abundance of shame and guilt. And that is not even mentioning the material consequences of sitting back or taking time for you for even a moment.
There isn’t time or space to be human in the systems we exist in.
The institution was not created with that type of flexibility. I mean we have literally augmented the system with a concept like flex time. Like HR is doing us a favor for being accommodating (insert eye-roll here).
We have reached a tipping point in society. Little reforms and micro-changes are not going to do a darn thing. Even overhauling legislation and rebuilding the system does nothing if our standards of care for one another does not change first.
We need to take life less serious, and get over ourselves. On the grand scale of things, we are minuscule, but on the everyday there are humans and non-humans alike suffering ‘cause we are not allowed to care.
And even if we do show compassion, try to offer the support, the weight of the institutional pressures nullifies our efforts. But we cannot re-make the system before looking inside ourselves and chilling out, finding what really matters, and living that truth.
A first step in evaluating ourselves is loosening up. Finding the joy and levity in the things we have once been horrified by. We all have baggage and none of us our perfect. But we are changing every single day,, whether we like it or not. The question remains, are we going to fight the changes?
You know, I could have never written this post in the past. I would have been too petrified in admitting to myself, to my perfection inside, that I am not perfect. But now, I’ve gotten over myself to some degree, and hanging with the clam in the sweet, sweet Shade.
But more on the perfection later.
Life is laughter.
More to come promise
