Dear Diary, Day 5, Puppy Chow

Dear Diary,

It has been a hot minute! Life has been pretty hectic, but I am back, at least for today, hopefully, tomorrow, too!

And by hectic, I don't think things have been too bad. Just really fun and full of the best kinds of chaos. I took a few days this weekend to just kick back and wonder where I will be going next. Okay, not just kicking back.

Unless…can I kick back and panic at the same time? If so, I think that is the wave I rode this weekend.

I stayed sober, though! I did not feel the urge to repress the panic and anxiety with that warm, molasses chemical escape. I find that staying out of that bottle is an efficient way to restart a new day after getting anchored into a dread spiral of depression. That, and making your bed. You know, Diary, of you make your bed in the morning, you have already accomplished a task. Ironically I learned that from a bartender.

Despite the weekend doldrum guess what, Diary?

Yup! I made significant progress on my thesis last week! It is frustrating to have a good week and then spiral. Still, last week I found the clarity and focus I've been searching for these last few months. And getting back into the office Sunday afternoon, I discovered the content held up. My typical writing pattern consists of writing something and feeling confident until the re-read, where 99 percent of the whole thing gets scrapped.

So I am feeling pretty good. The only problem is I am supposed to have this chapter drafted by the end of today. Not sure that will happen. Worse, the original deadline was Friday.

Eeeekkk, Diary, EEEKKK.

But we will see how it plays out.

Today, I might step into a flow and hit the mark. If not, I will be honest with myself and my advisor; maybe turn in something if there is something to turn in. If not, we will have that bummer of a conversation and a conversation.

Who knows.

And that is the amazeballs of life.

We don't have to know. Life wouldn't be fun if it did. And for my situation, the stakes are not super high. On a scale from one to ten, ten being a war zone and one being a puppy, the stakes I am facing are like a three?

I hope that isn't insulting to puppies; what if the stakes are incredibly high on the daily? Like, if they don't chew up that copy of Alan Wake, the whole day is a complete and utter disaster.

So by saying puppy, I mean how I perceive a puppy's life: new to the world, a few square meals, including scrapes begged from the fam. Each day is filled with encountering new smells, squirrels to bark at, rabbits to chase around, trees to mark, and video games to chew.

So it's chill. I am not totally freaking out. Just kind of freaking out. Freaking out in the best of ways. I mean, if we aren't freaking out just a little bit, we are prolly not paying very much attention.

I hope you have a wonderful week, Diary! Glad to say "hi" again. Thank you for listening and providing the space to reflect.

Life is pretty cool.

More to come if the stars are aligned