Dear Diary, Day 6, All About the Rat-ings

Dear Diary,

I totally failed and found success today! Pretty magical, right?!

Bad news first, right? I think that is the usual protocol in movies, so the good news cuts the bad news. But then it’s like the second thing the first character says to the second isn’t actually good news, and the character receiving the news says something like, “How is that good news.”

And then the person telling the news, the newscaster, makes some pithy Bruce Campbell-like comeback. These are usually smooth but campy. And that is confusing because how can something be so dumb yet cool. Then you realize it’s his dumb smirk and that sexy jawline.

You know, Dairy, I just realized that news-casters would be a cool archetype for a story in a bureaucratic fantasy environment.

They are a mix between a mage (due to their prophetic powers and glass ball) and a bard reciting the daily news in taverns and town squares. They conjure the info from their crystal ball if you are wondering. But they are always late with the scoop because stones of far speech deliver the news much quicker these days.

But the news-casters have to keep the competing News Guilds happy, so they start focusing on the most sensationalist perspectives of each story. So, they began traveling with a party of commentators who are mostly washed-up bards but still somehow possess toxic, overblown egos and have bad hair cuts.

The party doesn’t have any meaningful insider information about the events in faraway kingdoms, so the only insight they bring is inciting the Ted Sandymen of the world. And the whole purpose of their performance is keeping rat-ings up—the more rats there are in the tavern, the more popular the news-caster. Of course, no one believes the rat-ings, but they remain the industry standard.

Whoa, sorry…shoot, I ran kinda outta steam.

I am not sure where I went for a second.

Where was I? Oh right, back to the good and bad news. The bad first, right?

I know, I know, Diary, don’t start that again.

Come to think of it, this entry is already pretty long. It’s best to wrap for today. I’ll just pick it up tomorrow.

And since I kept you waiting, I will prolly just start with the good news and forget the bad altogether.

It will be water under the bridge by then, right? Bad news always goes away if it is ignored!

Thanks for listening!

More to come if the stars are aligned